Winning Parents

Summary

Three UK-based tennis professionals — Dr. Liya Jacob (tennis parent and personal development doctor), Ellie-Rose Griffiths (former UK #1 junior player), and Chris Johnson (35-year veteran coach) — discuss their collaborative online course “Winning Parents,” designed to help tennis parents recognize and break destructive emotional patterns. The conversation centers on the “drama triangle” psychological framework and how parents unconsciously undermine their children’s development through body language, rescuing behavior, and result-focused thinking. All three bring personal experience of getting it wrong and learning from it.

Guest Background

• Dr. Liya Jacob: Medical doctor specializing in personal development, tennis parent of two children (ages 10 and 12) currently training at Sutton Coalfield in Birmingham, UK. Teaches the drama triangle framework in healthcare and now applies it to tennis parenting.
• Ellie-Rose Griffiths: Former UK #1 junior player who left school at 10 to train full-time, competed nationally and internationally, and quit tennis at 19. Now runs her own business and collaborates with Chris and Liya on parent education.
• Chris Johnson: 35 years of coaching experience, based at Sutton Coalfield club in Birmingham for 28 years. Has worked with Robert Lansdorp and Alan Jones. Known for being direct with parents about their behavior.

Key Topics

• The “drama triangle” (Karpman, 1960s): parents default to victim (“poor me”), persecutor (“it’s your fault”), or rescuer roles — all counterproductive
• The “empowerment dynamic” (David Emerald) as the antidote framework, with step-by-step tools for shifting out of drama into empowerment
• Children can read parents’ body language instantly — even crossed arms or a jaw clench communicates disappointment
• The “shiny eyes test”: if your child’s eyes aren’t shining when they come off the court, ask yourself who you’re being that’s causing that
• Chris’s personal story of being removed from his 9-year-old son’s golf lesson by coach Michael Hebron — realizing that even with mouth shut and arms crossed, he was projecting negative energy
• Ellie’s perspective as a former elite junior: “You know exactly what your parent is thinking and they don’t have to open their mouth”
• Creating a “safe environment to fail” is essential for long-term player development
• The crystal ball test: “If I told you your child would only ever reach #1000 WTA, would you continue? If no, you’re in it for the wrong reasons”
• Return on investment in tennis must be reframed as human capital, not financial or ranking outcomes
• The course costs 49.99 GBP and takes 2-3 hours at your own pace on Kajabi

Actionable Advice for Families

• Invest in your own education as a parent — it is the single highest-leverage spend you can make for your child’s tennis journey
• Use the “shiny eyes test” after every match: are your child’s eyes shining when they come off court?
• Ask yourself: “Who do I want my child to become as a person, not as a tennis player?”
• When your child melts down on court, do NOT react — model the emotional regulation you want them to learn
• Coaches should feel empowered to have honest conversations with parents about their sideline behavior, even at the risk of losing the business
• Try to notice when the experience feels “heavy” versus “light” — heaviness signals drama triangle activation

INTENNSE Relevance

• Family engagement model: INTENNSE’s emphasis on family-centered tennis aligns directly with the Winning Parents philosophy — equipping parents is as important as coaching players
• Community culture: The drama triangle framework could inform how INTENNSE designs tournament experiences, parent communications, and community norms
• Governing body gap: All three guests note that the LTA, USTA, and Tennis Europe have inadequate parent education programs — an opportunity for INTENNSE to differentiate by building parent support into its offering
• Retention: The episode reinforces that players leave tennis not because of the sport itself, but because of the emotional environment around it — a problem INTENNSE is positioned to address through its team-based, joy-first approach

Notable Quotes

“It’s who you become as a result of the chase. The quicker we get the parents to understand that it’s about who their child becomes on this journey, and not about how many wins they get or what their ranking is, but who they become as a character.” — Chris Johnson

“Your child knows exactly what you’re thinking and they don’t have to open their mouth. A look, literally a look — they can raise an eyebrow, anything — you know what they’re thinking.” — Ellie-Rose Griffiths

“If you’ve got a crystal ball and it says your child is only ever going to get to 1000 on the WTA, are you going to continue? If the answer is no, then you’re in it for the wrong reasons.” — Chris Johnson