But Do You LIKE Like Tennis?

Summary

Coach JY Aubone returns to ParentingAces to explore the distinction between players who like tennis and players who truly love it — and what that difference means for development, parental investment, and long-term success. Aubone’s central insight comes from contrasting two students: one who, an hour and a half after a session, spontaneously texted asking about Djokovic’s trophy position while shadow-swinging at home; and another who said all the right things across a year of coaching but never internally drove their own development. The episode covers how to read behavioral signals rather than verbal claims, why parents cannot want the goal more than the child does, how the homeschool trend is reshaping junior development, and why “quitting at the right time” is often the most appropriate decision.

Guest Background

JY Aubone is a tennis coach and player development specialist based in the United States. The son of a professional player, Aubone played college tennis and has coached juniors extensively across multiple development pathways, from recreational to high-performance. He is a recurring ParentingAces guest known for direct, experience-grounded observations about the mental and motivational landscape of junior tennis. As a new father at the time of this episode, he brings a dual lens as both a youth development coach and a parent navigating similar questions.

Key Findings

1. The Distinction Between Liking and Loving Tennis Is Visible in Behavior, Not Words

Aubone’s defining observation: the player who loves tennis shadows swings Djokovic’s serve on Saturday afternoon without being told to. The player who likes tennis says all the right things when asked and then does nothing that wasn’t required. Over 12 months of coaching one player, Aubone identified the same four or five technical and behavioral gaps at every match review — the player said they understood and would work on them, but nothing changed. The insight is practical: don’t listen to what kids say about their commitment; watch what they do when no one is watching and nothing is required.

2. Intrinsic Motivation Cannot Be Installed by Coaches or Parents

Aubone is direct: you cannot manufacture a player’s desire. A coach can challenge, a parent can provide resources, but if the motivation to improve must be externally triggered at every step, it is not intrinsic motivation. When parents tell him they have to constantly nag their child about fitness, equipment, practice matches, and tournament preparation, Aubone’s response is that nagging is itself a diagnostic signal. By age 12, players old enough to pursue high-performance tennis should be managing those things independently. The need for constant parental pushing tells you something important about the match between this player and this pathway.

3. Watch What the Child Initiates — That Reveals the True Goal

Aubone’s practical test for parents: stop signing the child up for tournaments and don’t bring it up. Don’t suggest practice matches, gym sessions, or extra work. See if the child asks. If a child deeply embedded in junior development never spontaneously initiates any of those conversations, that behavior reveals something the child may not have words to communicate — they may not truly want this path. The advice is not to force a conversation but to read the behavioral signal honestly and without defensiveness.

4. Parents Cannot Want the Goal More Than the Child Does

Lisa Stone and Aubone both emphasize that parents do everything from love — but love can drive parents to want outcomes more intensely than their child does. In an individual sport like tennis, where everything on court falls on the player alone, the gap between parental ambition and player desire creates conflict, resentment, and spinning wheels. Aubone frames this as a version of the adult career advice everyone knows but few apply to children: “Find your passion, find what you actually love.” The same logic applies to a 14-year-old in junior tennis.

5. Revising Goals Quarterly Is a Best Practice

Aubone recommends parents revisit the conversation with their child about goals and motivation regularly — quarterly or at least twice a year. A 12-year-old’s declared goal of “number one in the world” is an aspiration rooted in what sounds cool, not in genuine understanding of what that requires. By 16, that goal may naturally evolve into “I want to play college tennis” or “I want to keep tennis in my life but not as a career.” Allowing goals to evolve naturally — and keeping the communication open — prevents the family from continuing to invest against a goal the child has already quietly abandoned.

6. High-Performance Junior Development Without Homeschool Is Becoming Harder

Aubone acknowledges a shift he initially resisted: reaching the top tier of junior tennis and a top-five Division I college team is becoming functionally difficult without homeschool or a hybrid program. After-school training programs have been degraded by economics — academies maximize revenue by filling courts with clinic players, not building high-performance environments. The result: players training in traditional school schedules struggle to access the training volume that homeschooled peers accumulate. Aubone is careful to note this doesn’t mean you can’t reach a good D1 program without homeschool — just that the elite tier is increasingly hard to access that way.

7. Loving the Game Is What Makes Hardship Tolerable, Not Willpower Alone

Aubone’s own development is his reference: his father played professionally, but JY was never worked like a pro at age six through ten. He loved being on court so completely that when his dad added harder drills, more fitness, and more challenge, he didn’t resist — the hardship happened in service of something he loved. He contrasts this with players who perform the required work but see additional effort as a burden rather than an opportunity. The players who reach the highest levels don’t just have more willpower — they have a relationship with the sport where the difficulty is inherently worth it.

Actionable Advice for Families

• Watch your child’s behavior when nothing is required: are they watching pro matches, shadow swinging, asking about tournaments, and wanting to play more? That tells you more about their relationship with the sport than anything they say
• Stop initiating conversations about tennis commitments and see what the child initiates on their own — by age 12, the player should be driving, not being driven
• Revisit goals quarterly with your child in an honest, non-pressured conversation — goals that made sense at 10 may have evolved by 14, and that evolution is healthy
• Accept that your child loving tennis recreationally or at a club level is a legitimate and complete outcome, not a failure — “quitting at the right time” toward a better-fitting path is a healthy decision, not a betrayal of investment

INTENNSE Relevance

• Player recruitment: Aubone’s behavioral test for genuine love of the sport is a practical recruitment filter for INTENNSE — players who seek improvement spontaneously, who initiate rather than respond, are the ones who will thrive in a professional league environment where self-directed development is the norm
• Professional environment design: INTENNSE’s salary model creates conditions where players must be intrinsically motivated — they will not have parents or coaches nagging them daily, and the players who require that structure will struggle with the league’s professional autonomy expectations
• Coaching standards: Aubone’s observation that a year of coaching the same player without behavioral change suggests a possible mismatch between player and pathway is equally applicable to INTENNSE coach-player relationships — the league’s mic’d coaches need to distinguish between players hitting a development wall and players in the wrong environment
• College-to-pro bridge: The homeschool trend Aubone describes is reshaping who arrives at college tennis — INTENNSE’s pipeline will encounter players whose development pathways varied significantly; understanding who self-selected into high-intensity training environments vs. who was placed there by parents will inform how coaches approach player management
• Broadcast storytelling: The contrast between the player who texts at Saturday afternoon about Djokovic’s trophy position and the player who disengages the moment practice ends is exactly the kind of character-revealing story INTENNSE’s broadcast model should be built to surface — mic’d coaches can identify and narrate these motivational dimensions in real time

Notable Quotes

“They were all saying the right things. Every single time I challenge them, every single time I watch the match, nothing changed. At what point are they taking full responsibility for what they have to work on? We can’t just listen to what the kids are saying — watch what they’re doing.”

“Your child hasn’t shown the willingness and love and passion for this game, for you to work even harder as a parent, to give them something that they’re showing that they probably don’t want.”

“The ones who love it, it’s not work. For them, they can’t wait to do it. They can’t wait to play again. They’ll play 10 days in a row in a week if the week had 10 days.”

“Why do we tell adults to quit a job they actually don’t love? Find your passion. Find what you actually love. So why can’t we say it to kids?”

“Don’t sign your kid up for a tournament until they ask. Don’t even bring it up. If you have to — don’t initiate it.”

“You can’t want it more than they do. And this is the thing about tennis as an individual sport — it’s all on the player out there on the court.”